Anna

Hello little dot in the blogosphere.

I have been housesitting in paradise the past week. It was a very hard week.

Now I'm back.

My Grandma is expected to pass away... well.. .any minute now, so I'm very sad. If for no other reason,... I'm sad because my dad is sad and I... I am inadequate as a daughter in every single way.

I got to see my Grandma this past summer and I sat listening to her tell stories - ouuu she's spunky! - with tears because I expected it to be the last time I heard her stories.

I also was filled with sadness visiting her because my dad's adoration of her was so apparent. I am sad that my parents are growing older and feeling the sting of losing hteir parents... my mom just this past week called her own mother and told her she would like her to come live with us.... which is a HUGE thing in my mother's life - but - more of that some other day.

Tonight I am just filled with the thought that God brought my Grandpa and Grandma to eachother and they had nine amazing children who all live for God. They created a treasure of a family and there will be many people who are sad tonight at the thought of Anna Benzing going to be with the Lord.

What a thought - that she will be with the Lord. 68 years - that's how long my grandparents have been married. Isn't that special? But my heart breaks thinking of my Grandpa without my Grandma... my heart just breaks in general right now.

I guess in the same way no parent ever wants to see their child sad, no child really wants to see their parents sad. It is painful at the least, and frightening at the most.

I am filled with thoughts that time has passed and my parents are 50 years old, my Grandparents are dying, and I... I am an adult. And yet I just don't feel like an adult. I just don't feel prepared for this phase of life and here it is upon me.

Still, I lay these thoughts at God's feet. I walk besides him adn he will lead me. I'll fear no evil... I won't fear at all. I am sad, but joy will remain... in fact there is joy already... my Grandma is 86 ... what a long life... married to the same man, blessed with nine children, numerous grandchildren and so many of them living faithfully for the Lord.

She must have so many rewards waiting for her tonight - she'll have a mansion... and yet to think seh won't be present in her body down here on this earth with us... it's mind boggling.

Where would I be wihtout my Jesus?? What would I do?