Filled with Glory and Grace

I'm here to chat about nothing and everything.

Yesterday I felt swell through and through the whole day long. As far as eating trends are concerned I've kind of ditched the sugary chocolatey goodness of life for now. When sugar is limited you really can notice the effect it has on you... especially artifiial and prepared products. It's been really nice. Do the rest of you experience food burning up iside of you? When I eat dense greens I can feel them burning up in my body.

Yesterday, New Years Eve, I cleaned out clutter a bit. That's always treacherous and dusty and sweaty on one hand but thoroughly entertaining on the other hand. If I had the time or inclination - oh the things I would post! Rach and I one time had an absurd and hysterical conversation over instant messenger while in a computer lab at 3AM or some other sleepy hour. We printed it out then found abandoned places through the school that apparently stay unlocked through the night hours and performed our "piece" over and over again.

Speaking of bad effects being had on people - nothing like lack of sleep to really disturb a person's total being. Sleep is so underrated folks. I used to think it was neat to stay up to dumb hours... now the only thing that ever keeps me rocking past 10PM is a good episode of House Hunters or a craving for Conan on a Friday (though that has REALLY ceased thanks to the Writer's Strike).

Welp. Back to yesterday... I was treated to an invitation to some old, dear friends New Years Eve get to gether. It was a fun time with people I care about - so I'm a lucky girl. There's nothing like being around people who you'd like to be more and more like to help you dismiss folks you'd rather not yoke with.

Am I weary of going back to work? uh, yeah. I'm concerned about getting the kids back into their routines and checking attitudes that have surely gone crazy... But that's that. That only exists from 8-5 each day. Otherwise I'm perplexed and worried about whether I should go through with plans to get my blood drawn and checked and then have oral surgery done. The real stepping stone I'm staring at is a financial one. I have to cover at LEAST half of the costs of both medical procedures out of pocket and not that I don't have savings or credit... but I don't know if this is worth it right now.

I'm also scared of the doctors... I didn't feel 100per comfort. with the dental surgeon and it's been long since our pre-op-meet and greet... so that feels weird... but they tell me my next step is simply the surgery... and then there's FHC. It's rough - very rough - being a patient there... it' hard being around the other people and getting crummy service from folks who doon't really want to work where they work... I don't know what the answer is. And then if I get all this done it means missing chunks of work which hasn't even been approved yet!

I feel like I'm trapped in a no win situation.

There. Feels good to get that off my chest.

You know what? Folks really get a bit befuddled when they ask me if I have plans for some night or what I've been up and I tell them "no" and same old same old... but that's that. I don't have pals around town. I have them for random weekends nad holiday when they're home from scattered about schools...

you know what else?

I've begun searching for college scholarships again an dhae been trying to pen essays and I get so run down i n this process! Findig legit scholarships ... writing outstanding essays... Satan whispers "you're not good enough" to me without cessation! It's really hard not to buy into those words...

There's a lot to petition for.....

mom's feeling better... she's unhappy with me. There's nothing harder here on earth for me than my mom's standards and disappointments. Don't think she's a natzi mom... sh'es like most moms are. She wants happiness for me... she's mad at me and thinks I'm cheating or something because I haven't gotten my M Cycle yet and she thinks I'm still skinny. I don't know what to say about it all. She just plain doesn't trust me.

Wow do I feel even MORE challenged now that I've written all this down!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAH.

Today. Let's chat bout today - today I did NOOOOTHING but watching "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria" all day. If you're interested, You Tube's your channel to get the BBC's little gem, it's from yr 2006, and you'll have to really sort around for Episode's one and two and then proceed from there. IMO it's worth it - I LOVE this reality show. This is the one that "You're The One That I Want" the search for new Danny and Sandy here in the meria's was based off of - but we Americans don't relish live theatre like the Londoners seems too - and The SOund of Music is more precious to them than Grease is to us. So that was my today.

It feels like forever since I've been at work... I'm thinking my kids have grown and will not want to be left with me... I don't want to be there tomorrow - I want to keep on with this vacationing.... it's gotten boring at times but I've quickly found ways to productively pass those times...

At least it will be cold. Everything's easier when Florida is at a low humidity.

I guess there's nothing more to say. I"ve a little down right now waiting for answers to my woes and trying to rev my engine for work tomorrow...

Heaven - no worries. mansions. ouu sounds good right now.